When You Want to Punch Someone in the Throat

I've been actively trying to stay aware of myself. There are times when I get a little...crazy. I suppose that is normal, we all have crazy days. But I'm being more perceptive of these times in order to reel myself in and focus my negativity. I ask myself a few simple questions:

1) What am I feeling?

•  I try to go beyond just "mad" or "frustrated." I think it's essential to really figure out what it is you're feeling. I have a friend who constantly talks about how "pissed off" he is. So I challenged him not to say "pissed" for one day. He realized that a lot of what he was feeling wasn't really "pissed off," sometimes is was "mildly irritated" or "frustrated" or even "inconvenienced." How we articulate what our emotions are goes a long way in how we decide how to deal with them. That day he found himself much happier because instead of saying he was "pissed off" (which then lead to him being pissed off) he was able to be like "I guess I'm just annoyed." and then he moved on.

2) What is the cause of this feeling?

• Feelings suck. Sometimes there is no real reason you feel a certain way. Sometimes it's just "that kind of day." But a lot of times you can find a cause for the negativity you feel. Maybe you are frustrated due to traffic. But then you need to ask "why am I frustrated by the traffic?" Are you in a hurry? Are you running late to work/school? Or do you just want to keep moving? Are you stressed out because of the increased risk for an accident? Once we point out why we feel the way we do about a situation, we can begin to identify whether or not it is even something to feel negatively about.

3) Can I do anything about this situation?

• Uncontrollable events happen. They do mass lay-offs at work, and unfortunately you were chosen as tribute. Or maybe you are stuck in a traffic jam on your way home from work. These are situations you have little to no control over. So, what's the point in getting upset by it? What is being upset by it helping? Absolutely nothing! You are only hurting yourself. 
• If you can do something about it, then do it. Say someone is taking their bad day out on you. They are being a royal jack ass and it happens to be aimed in your direction. Sometimes all you have to do is kill them with kindness. Other times, you just need to separate yourself from the situation and let them calm down. If you are stressed out about grades, then find a study method that works for you. Change your negativity into something productive. You feel a certain way, so fix it. 

As I am getting myself into the habit of reflecting on my emotions in this way, I do stop and ask myself these questions. It may sound dumb, and sometimes, in the moment, you just want to tell yourself to eff off. But that's not productive. It doesn't help anyone, and you are only bound to hurt yourself and/or others (hopefully not physically).

This morning, I was working the messdecks for breakfast. I was running between the scullery (dishwasher) and stocking silverware/trays. As I was walking towards the silverware to check them, I watched as DC2 poured milk in her oatmeal with the help of a new HT. The milk was full (I had checked it not too long prior) but he was still needing to tilt it for her to get it out. As I grabbed the fork holder to refill it I overheard her say, "These FSAs are garbage" to HT2.

Now, I have no idea what brought this on. We had milk. We had silverware. The coffee mess was cleaned, sugar full. We didn't have any cereal, but that's because people ate it all already. I couldn't figure out what we (I) had done to upset her. What I had done to be lowered all the way down to "garbage."

I raised my eyebrows in her direction and walked back to the scullery where I could hide. Once there, I scrubbed the dishes with a new vigor.

"Oh man, what I should have said to her," I thought. "Next time I see a firestation with dust on it, I'm going to tell her all the DCs are garbage!"

These negative thoughts brought me into a downward spiral of anger. I was so mad at her. I was hurt she called me garbage -- obviously she was referring to me since I was the one working the messdecks! I wished I had confronted her at the time. Asked her what I had done to offend her so greatly.

Then after about 5 minutes of scrubbing the bahjeezus out of some trays, I took a deep breath and refocused. 

1. Why was I feeling? Mad. I was feeling mad. And a little hurt. I felt like she had targeted me for a reason I wasn't even sure of.
2. What is the cause of this feeling? I felt this way because I am a hard worker. I take pride in what I do. When someone targets me in a hostile way, I take offense. I took the situation personally, even though it probably wasn't meant that way. 
3. Could I do anything about the situation? At the time my choices were either a) let it go or b) confront her. While part of me wanted to confront her and tell her that next time if she had an issue to let me know so I could solve it, I decided to let it go. Stewing on it wasn't helping me achieve my goal of positivity and motivation. It was only bringing me down and causing me to feel a way I didn't want to feel. 

Once I reasoned with myself, I was able to let it go. I broke out of the cycle. I think it's important to realize your faults, your flaws, and your feelings so you can learn to take them and turn them into something positive. Be constructive with your behavior. Think happy thoughts.